Tuesday, February 23, 2010


i feel compelled to write.... but about what, i don't know yet.

perhaps it will flow out of me like it often does. i find myself typing out sentences that i barely have time to hear in my head first. i don't know where the words come from, but they're usually truthful.

i find i teach my own lessons. but a lot of the time i forget that, and i get in the mind frame of "this person has a lesson to learn, they just don't see it yet." and i get arrogant a little, and i lecture them, telling them how it is. but i don't listen to my own lectures. i should do that more often. i should listen to my own lectures. because they're always correct, but they're always for me.

this morning my mom tried to convince me that astrology isn't a spiritual practice. and neither is tarot. i tried to tell her that she is misunderstanding these things, and that they are founded in spiritual principles. but she didn't hear me. she kept talking over me before i could even finish what i was saying. and then she said that i was doing the same thing. i hardly ever argue anymore, because it riles me up and i don't like feeling riled up. i can feel my internal energy tensing, preparing to defend. i don't have anything that needs to be defended. i know that astrology is a spiritual practice for me, i don't need my mother to explain to me that my knowing must be wrong. there are a lot of things she has told me that are completely incorrect. but i based a lot of my understanding of the world on the "truths" she gave me when i was young. i know when i know the truth, and the truest truth needs no defense. the truth just is, and you either know it or you don't. there's no debating it. it just is.

i like how far i've come. i have changed so much. it is interesting to look back at myself the way i was a year ago. i think i had strep throat at the time. i had it for almost a month. it was miserable! now i know what the real cause of it was. now i know that all dis-ease comes from vibrational disharmony. and at that time, i was in extreme disharmony with myself. i had very low opinions of myself and a lot of others. i was angsty, depressed, and frustrated with my love life. and i was having a very difficult time in my collage class, which was probably why the problem was in my throat. my creative energy was all blocked up. just thinking about it makes my throat twinge! really!

i'm so thankful for where i am in my life right now. i say this all the time, and sometimes it feels like i'm just saying it and it doesn't mean anything, but i really am. i really am thankful for where i am and how far i've come. i love the beautiful woman i am growing into. i love the experiences i am creating for myself. i love my life!

where were you a year ago? where are you now in comparison? are you thankful for what has lead you to this place, here and now? even the difficult parts? because they are just as necessary as the pleasant parts. without the bad, the good could not be appreciated fully. i experienced a lot of really difficult lessons this year. a lot was brought to my attention that i was completely unaware of. a lot of my vibration has been re-vamped in the last year. i'm really glad. i'm much happier now, and i only see it getting better and better every day :D


1 comment:

  1. A year ago I was in a similar situation. I also was sick, unsure of my relationship with my friends, paranoid and frustrated with things like dating. Now, I have a much more healthy relationship with my friends (both old and new) have a more set path to follow, and have genuinely learned to stop worrying. I've gotten to this point by learning from past mistakes, and making wiser choices in my close friends.