Wednesday, March 31, 2010

is it sex that messes shit up, or my expectation?

so the other day i had sex with a friend of mine.

then yesterday i felt a shift in the energy between us. perhaps it's my imagination. probably it is, since everything is anyway.

but why is it that having sex with someone opens such vulnerable places? so tender and unconditioned to the world outside. i've gotta ease into things maybe. all i can do is keep trying, because i refuse to allow my fears about sex stand in the way of me eventually enjoying the hell out of it.

why do i even have fears about sex? probably my lack of proper education about it. my parents didn't inform me of what sex was. they assumed i already knew. well, i knew i had a drive to experience a very mysterious pleasure, but i had no idea what it was. and of course i told nobody, for fear of being laughed at. "hey mom... dad... why do i have this need to put this pillow between my legs? and why do i feel like i can't get it close enough to me? and what is that strangely pleasing tingly feeling that happens when i move just right? it's only for a few seconds, but i feel like i NEED it. can you explain this to me?" (haha, yeah right). then, at age FOURTEEN (!!!!) i found out the mechanics of sex in my 8th grade health class. our teacher read us a ridiculous children's book with silly, prude illustrations. absolutely ridiculous.

then, throughout my health education, i was pumped with information about the things to be afraid of in terms of sex. that there are diseases, and very prevalent ones at that! that if you don't use more than one form of birth control, you have a chance of getting pregnant. that its bad to be pregnant. all sorts of misinformation that is fear-based and not conducive to a healthy sexual attitude.

and now my energy is all confused. i really want to have sex! but will i feel hurt if i have sex with someone i'm not in love with? that's another thing i was told to believe. that i have to love the person i'm having sex with. that it's a "big step" in a relationship. what if i just want to have sex? well then i'm just a slut, right?

and why are there no people under the age of 30 who are good at sex at all? (i take that back, i've had one or two exceptional 20-year-old encounters). why does everyone just do the boring old missionary, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, FINISH! ok, i'm done, better get this condom off and go to sleep. oh you're not finished? well, sorry, but i'm spent and i can't go again, i'm too tired. gotta get to work in the morning. better get you home!

grrrrrrrrrrr. i refuse to believe that i'm the only person who is thinking these things. i refuse to acknowledge my potential island-status in this topic of discussion. sex needs to be more fun. sex needs to be a lot less boring and a lot more pleasurable. dudes, stop being pussies. use your hands more. breasts enjoy being squeezed. so do thighs. also, kiss the rest of my body more often. surprise me. move me around. you're strong, you can pick me up and throw me on the bed and rip my clothes off. i don't mind being nibbled. step it up folks!

who's with me?

also, i suppose i should share a lesson on the clitoris.

how to make a girl feel supreme pleasure:

- spend some time kissing. while kissing, knee-between-legs is a great way to get started.
- before clothes come off, breasts are to be fondled. hands running down the torso and between thighs is a definite plus.
- after several minutes of this foreplay, the girl should be wet enough
- pants off!
- undies still on (unless she goes commando), rubbing of the outer genitalia is nice. use your entire hand, with firm, but not too firm, pressure.
- watch her face to gauge how she's liking it. talking makes it a little awkward, so just kiss her instead. make eye contact!
- when you can feel heat and moisture through undies, you know she's ready for full-fledged-finger-action!
- delicately pull off undies and toss aside.
- use the girl's natural lubricating system to make the job easier, and much more enjoyable (for her).
- using the tips of 2-3 fingers, and a gentle left-to-right motion, play the clitoris like a guitar!
- be sure to go back often for more natural lube.
- start out slow and gentle, with rather light pressure. gradually build in speed and pressure.
- if you are making a project out of it, you can use both hands, one for inside and one for outside.
- don't get too fast too quickly. let it build naturally, and drag it out by surprising her with a teasing pause. when you think she's just about to come, stop for a couple of seconds. then keep going, a tiny bit slower and softer than you were going before. then build up again. if you can, i recommend you do this several times. the resulting orgasm will be immense and intense.
- you can tell when a girl is orgasming, because she won't care what her face looks like. the body goes on auto-pilot and she's just riding along.

using the mouth

- if you haven't shaved in a couple of days, forget it. don't even bother with this technique, because it doesn't feel good at all.
- if you are clean-shaven, proceed to the following steps.
- this is not just about the mouth. giving head is an art form, and should not be done carelessly. use the hands in conjunction with the lips and tongue.
- massage the inside of her thighs with your hands. tickle them too. it feels good.
- use your stiff, pointier tongue to penetrate. use a flat, soft tongue to lick lengthwise. i recommend licking from perineum to clitoris.
- roll the clitoral hood between your lips.
- suck the clitoris into your mouth and play with it using your tongue.
- be creative. use combinations of these tricks to make her go crazy. use variations of speed, pressure, etc.
- supplement tongue/lip action with fingers and thumbs.
- DO NOT stick your bearded/scratchy face into her vagina. this leads to irritation of the urinal opening. urinary tract infections are way not cool.
- DO NOT be rough!
- DO NOT use teeth on the clitoris! (unless she's into that, in which case, wait till she specifies).

so. this has gone from me wondering what's wrong with me, to me realizing that there's nothing wrong with me, people just don't know how to have sex anymore. and then it turned into girl-pleasure 101. i hope you enjoyed. i sure did :)


Thursday, March 25, 2010


ok so i've been way lame at updating this regularly as of late... but it's only because my life has just been getting awesomer and awesomer by the day that it's hard to keep up with the other stuff that i once used to keep myself busy :P

now i have to get used to writing about how awesome everything is in new and exciting ways that don't all sound the same.

i think i can do that.

yesterday i made $5 in tips. sweet! then this mother and her 3 kids came in and ordered some lunches... soup and sandwiches. the two girls wanted cupcakes, and they kept asking how much it cost, and they didn't have enough money. so they were asking their mom to help them get cupcakes, but their mom clearly wasn't comfortable spending so much money. but the youngest girl had such a bright twinkle in her eye at the thought of having a cupcake, and she was so sure she could somehow come up with a way of getting enough money scraped together to have one. it reminded me of me! so i bought her and her sister cupcakes with my tip. it worked out perfectly, as the cupcakes are $2.50 each!

i realized i got way more happiness for my dollar in that exchange. if i'd spent the $5 on just myself, i would have experienced happiness for the moment(s) i was relishing in the thing i bought. but because i spent it on those cupcakes for those girls, the happiness was spread to 3 people. and a moment of happiness is so powerful, and 3 people experiencing a moment of happiness in the same proximity is even more powerful. so much flow of goodness happens when several people are happy together. the happiness bounces between them all, growing stronger and stronger, higher and higher. this vibration is so powerful. this is why things like festivals and parties and gatherings of like minds are so amazing to witness.

go to a concert (i recommend phish... or the flaming lips, whom i will be seeing very soon!), and while you're there, tripping face i assume, take a look around. look at all the bodies turned in the direction of the band, writhing and moving to the same rhythm. imagine if you were deaf and at the same concert. you would only be able to feel the rhythms pulsing tangibly through you. how interesting it would be to experience music from that perspective.

music is like the heart. i noticed this when i was at a phish show last year. i did the very thing i described above. i realized that the music was beating us together, and in our frenzied states, we the energized "blood cells" will bring life to the rest of the body. as we talk about how awesome it was, as we spread the joy, as we play the music, as we dance in our rooms... we pump through the veins, merrily dancing along. it wouldn't be so bad to be a red blood cell in a human body. i think it would be fun. the whooOOOOOOOSH! as you swirl through the arteries, dropping of oxygen, picking up CO2, and feeling the rhythm of the ether's music, made manifest by the dub-LUB of the heart muscle. a drum that beats itself for decades on end. and we don't even have to think about it.

ah but i'm rambling. how's that for an update?

more later :D


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

tidal wave!

i am riding the wave of manifestation

the momentum is building.

evidence of alignment is showing up.

i'm having fun.

i hope you are too :D

Friday, March 12, 2010


my body is cleansing itself. it's a little uncomfortable, but with my newest mantras, i am transcending the discomfort and looking forward to the new, fresh, energized body that awaits me!

my new mantras are

"this is only temporary..."
"i might as well feel good right now."

it's really helping a lot, because i know that my throat is going to be sore whether i feel happy or sad. my muscles are going to be achy whether or not i have positive thoughts flowing through my mind constantly. this temporary discomfort within my body temple is simply the difference between my mind's vibration and the vibration that has been held within my cells for so long. i'm glad that my body is so intelligent that it knows exactly how to clean itself out. and even though it's a little bit uncomfortable for a few days, i know the reward of a healthy, bendy, fresh body is going to be very worth it! i'd rather have a couple of days of intense discomfort than a longer period of time dealing with mediocre comfort. all of the gunk that built up in my body for years is finally being shucked, and i'm really looking forward to the experience of health and energy that i will soon meet up with!

i am really thankful to have a body. and i'm really glad that my body is beautiful and healthy. i feel very good knowing that Source is always providing me with well-being, and that i am doing such a good job of allowing it to flow into my experience! i'm glad i know the things i know! i have come so very far in the mastery of my mind! i'm really proud of myself.

it feels so much better to have this mindset in an experience of "sickness" than it is to experience sickness with a low mindset like an older version of me used to have. i'm really glad i've done the "work" it takes to focus my thoughts in a positive direction. it's so easy to do now, because i'm just always doing it! new habits of thought! and i thought it would be hard, but it totally isn't once you realize what negative emotion indicates! if you haven't checked out Abraham-Hicks on youtube yet, i definitely recommend you do that now. of course, you may or may not click with the message they have, but don't worry. all in good time, my friends!


Monday, March 1, 2010

i don't know why the title bar keeps changing the font to sanskrit, but i kinda like it.

i just realized a couple of things about myself that i would like to erradicate.

one is, when i get really close to getting what i have been asking for, and i decide i want to go for it and enjoy it, part of me gets scared that it's "not right" or that i'll regret it later.

another silly habit i have is of getting bored with an idea of mine before it even gets out of the planning stage.

i'm glad i've noticed these habits of mine, it means i'll be able to recognize when i'm participating in that kind of behavior, and turn in a different direction.

when i find that i begin to have negative emotion, i notice it and i pay attention to the thoughts that have just gone through my mind and i say to myself "these thoughts are bringing me negative emotion. i want positive emotion, so what can i think of that will bring me that?" it's really helpful.

another thing i have been doing is adding "now" to the end of my sentences... like "i need to do my laundry.... NOW" because if i get into the habit of saying "yeah, i'll do that later" it's just the same as saying "i'll get it done, never." there is no such thing as later. there is only Now, and to waste Now is to waste your power. all of your power of forgiveness for the past is NOW. all of your power of pre-paving the future to be happier and healthier is NOW. all of your creation is NOW experienced. any other time does not exist!

i find it so much easier to live life one day at a time. i am really loving my experience!