Monday, September 19, 2011

on the crest of an expanding wave

i am feeling an increasing awareness of the presence of my Source. it pervades all moments and makes me feel like, through it, i am reaching out into infinite directions and touching everything and everyone. it feels good.

today, as i walked my dog, we came across a conflict. a group of GLBT students surrounded a man who was holding up a large sign with some bible quotes on it. he was arguing that only through Christ can one find salvation, that homosexuality is a sin, etc. the GLBT students were of course outraged. as i approached, i felt my heart rate become more intense. i participated by saying that i thought it was beautiful that we all have the freedom to choose our own perspectives. eventually they all decided to ignore him, which i though was a lovely idea. i left at that point, but as i walked home i couldn't help but ponder the energy of what had occurred.

i delighted in the contrast of it! i found it exciting, and as i came away from it i recognized that my Inner Being had delighted in it as well, because from it had been created something new and expanded. and the same went for the Inner Being of every single participant in the conflict. each of them was asking for something, and Source has become it for all of them. were they to let go and know that All Is Well, they would receive what they asked for immediately. as i walked away, i did just that, and i rode the wave of expansion almost as it was happening. what a thrill!

it feels good to feel good. it is so good to know that i am always surrounded by Love. that i am always safe and secure and taken care of. it feels good to see my life through the eyes of Source. it feels good to feel the presence of Source right there with me, on the leading edge, experiencing what i experience, sharing my life with me. it is truly the greatest Partnership i could ask for :)


Wednesday, September 14, 2011

flowing ideas

it's been a while since i've written, and i feel like a lot has been happening internally this entire year and i haven't really shared much of it. mostly because i'm not quite sure how to put it into words. but often i find that writing clears my mindspace. it's as if the words are jumbled up in my head, floating around and wanting to be expressed in some way, and when i finally put them down on paper (or a screen), they are transported out of my awareness so i no longer need to listen to them jabbering at me.

so i have this homework assignment. oh yeah, did i tell you? i'm back in school! yay! i'm going for Digital Cinema, which is exciting! filmmaking is something i've always wanted to do, and this feels so good to be doing this... to have something tangible to flow my action/creative energy towards. so my homework that i am supposed to be getting done for class tomorrow is simple in theory, but i'm not sure how to go about it. i have to create a story board to accompany a poem that i will be visually interpreting on camera. the poem should not be acted out or directly interpreted, but should leave some mystery and intrigue in the way it is portrayed in the short video. my struggle is that, i am using the poem i wrote last year called "I Am The Summer." (

the problem, the solution of which i intend to receive, is that the poem is already very blatantly visual. every line is describing a literal object or scenario. the meaning behind the poem is that god/spirit/consciousness/The Movie resides in each and every moment... in every single aspect of every moment... as if it has all been directed and choreographed to be there, in perfect timing and synchronicity. as if it IS a film that we are all playing our part in. so how can i play that idea into a visual expression as the film is being read aloud over the screen shots?

what if i made it about a girl? and you could never quite glimpse her in her entirety, but from what you could catch she seemed beautiful and magical... and then in the final scene, you see her weeping, face-down on the grass, hair covering her head and arms... oooh images are flowing now!

so in the first scene, she is lying in the grass, and there is an extreme close-up, blurred image of her hair on the grass, and a butterfly goes by... and the image slowly comes into focus.

next scene, the girl is seen through the leaves of bushes and trees, running. playing.

next scene, just the girl's hand and arm are seen as she goes around a tree, her hand brushing against the bark.

next: the camera follows a leaf as it flutters down and lands near or on the girl (never seeing her face), who is lying in the grass.... the shot widens and we see....:

next shot: shot widens to find the girl is face-down on the grass, weeping, the leaf clutched in her hand.

ok i'm ready for bed now :D

Sunday, September 4, 2011


i just spent the majority of this weekend watching the TV mini-series "Dollhouse."

what an intense experience.

returning to my "real" life, i find my internal world chaotic and strange to me. it is amazing that a visual story (a movie or a tv show) can evoke such a powerful vibrational effect on a person. i was completely absorbed into the show... i HAD to find out what happened next. i HAD to see it through to the end, even though so much of the show made me feel emotional discomfort and agitation.

i imagine that is how Source feels before entering a physical body. no matter how agitating and uncomfortable some of the physical experiences may be, there is an intrigue that is intoxicating and addictive. the EXPERIENCE is so thrilling, to be feeling so much color and life and diversity of emotion and thought and idea.

i am so glad i watched the entirety of the show. thank god it was only 2 series, or i would have locked myself in my room for days until i finished it!

i'm going to school these days, and i am intending to major in Digital Cinema at the community college i attend. it's amazing how easily that is unfolding for me. i am taking Screenwriting, Intro to Field Production, and Drawing 1. this is perfect for me. it is getting me in the mindset of filmmaking. it is giving me the knowledge and understanding i need in order to make this my career. i am feeling encouraged and supported along this path, and i know that it is taking me in exactly the direction i want to go! there is no need for me to "make" anything happen, because i have this deep, pervasive sensation that everything in that department has already been created and is unfolding perfectly for me and all i am doing is going along for the ride and absorbing information, gaining new perspective.

i am beginning to gain the sense that, if i feel this way about my career path and it is unfolding so easily, then the other aspects of my life that i have been asking for and creating for so long (romantic relationships in particular) are unfolding in the same way and i can just let go and go for the ride.

with school... i had to take a break. after freshman year, i had to leave, because i knew i wasn't doing what i loved, but i wasn't able to recognize and accept and acknowledge that doing what i really love IS possible. it took me 2 years to finally come to the realization that i HAD to be filmmaking, or i would never be happy. it's what i've wanted to do my entire life, since before i could put it into words. i have always wanted to be an actress and i have always wanted to make films. these desires are Divine Inspiration. they are what cause Life Force to flood my very existence.

so perhaps the same goes for romance. taking a break is something i've said i wanted to do, but whenever i do, something or somebody comes in to change my mind. i guess i need to get clear on what i really want and just focus on that and know it is already created for me... the path is laid out. now i just need to be okay with not being "there" today, knowing that i will be eventually.