Thursday, November 1, 2012

Exceeding Capacity

Today I decided to just be attached.  I've been resisting this attachment I feel for this man in my life... he's not even in my life, it's mostly the idea of him that I am attached to.  I have been arguing with myself, trying to convince my mind that I need to stop being attached to him, to let go of him, to focus on my acting.  But it only makes the attachment stronger and more distracting.  So I am going to just be attached.

I don't know where it will go.  I have strong doubts as to its romantic unfolding.  He has made it pretty clear to me that he is not interested.  So why am I attached?  Why do I continue to hope that some day we might get together?  I continue to rationalize why I should hold out and keep this door open.  Maybe he'll evolve and I'll evolve and we'll find that we are the perfect pair!  Maybe the things that frustrate me about him are actually good for me and my growth.  Maybe we'll be ready for each other at the same time, and now is just not that time.  These are all things that have been clouding my mind lately and I can't see through them.  It's an incredibly heavy weight, and I no longer desire to carry it.

So I'm just going to feel.  I'm going to feel this burden and I'm going to give it to my Dream to sort out. I just want to let it go and I feel like I am struggling against it.  But I created it, so by struggling against it, I am feeding it my own energy.

I'll let it go now.

So much is happening.  I feel overwhelmed by this burdensome weight of desire for relationship.  I don't have the capacity for this right now.  I have things I need to do!  Panic!



I love it all though, despite the dramatic interpretation of what's going on within me, I am enjoying becoming more aware of myself, transforming into the actress I have longed to become, and receiving all the bounty that life has to offer.  There is always more goodness coming, always more letting go to be done, always more to let in.  All is well, regardless of appearances.


P.S.  Happy Scorpio season everyone!  May you be transformed by sex, death, and everything in between!