Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
i have come to such strong self-understanding this week! i was out of the vortex for a long time and it was very uncomfortable. i had a brief relationship with a beautiful boy, and in the very beginning it was lovely. but all of my previous relationships have come to me from outside the vortex, and after only a couple of days i had slipped into the old habits of disempowerment. it's amazing how quickly i can forget everything i've come to understand in the face of someone who is very convincingly telling me that my assumptions about the world are incorrect. especially if that very convincing person is an amazing lover.
i want to feel powerful and glorious and beautiful and bubbly and joyful. these are my natural states of being. i love feeling this way! and i want to stay this way more than i want to have a relationship. i don't need a boy to tell me i am beautiful in order for me to be beautiful. i don't need a boy to skip with me and bring me flowers and stroke my face and kiss my cheek. i don't need a boy to fill me with his beingness and make love to me until the wee hours of the morning. i don't need gifts and sweet nothings whispered into my ear. i don't need that thrill in my heart when a boy pulls me in close with his strong hands and kisses my lips and tells me he adores me. i don't need a boy to tell me he adores me. i don't need any of these things, because i feel very good without them. but i do know that these are things that i will have in my experience and i will enjoy them so very much when they manifest in reality. i'm excited for it!
i love life and all that it brings to me. i love love love love love love love love love it!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
so my plans appear to have shifted quite rapidly. although now i'm standing uncomfortably in the wake of change, wondering which direction i will go next.
i never liked sudden changes when i was a kid. i guess i'll have to get used to them. it's all in the divine scheme of things, so i know it is perfect and beautiful and that later down the timeline, i will come to appreciate this point of change very much. i do appreciate it now. i am actually enjoying where i am right now. it's just different from what i was planning. i should probably just stop planning things altogether, because my plans ALWAYS change into something much more glorious than what my puny human perspective could come up with. i like the surprises anyway.
Friday, June 4, 2010
nagging thoughts of awkward situations handled poorly
invade my mindspace
and refuse to leave me be.
will they ever go away?
will i ever be free of the cloying feeling
that i should have done it differently?
that i should have been stronger and allowed you to be you
your awkward, bothersome self
perhaps i'm talking to myself here