Tuesday, December 29, 2009

it's unbelievable the amount a person can sleep when there is nothing else to do. boredom is the worst waste of energy. i don't know what the fear is that boredom stems from. i think perhaps it's simply being unappreciative of the simple pleasures that life has to offer. we have unfortunately been born into a society that is fast becoming more and more distracted by intense stimuli. video games, fast-paced and violent movies, extreme sports, texting, etc. if we find ourselves lacking in these, we realize how empty we have become inside. it's an abyss that nobody likes to look at because it scares the shit out of us.

what is that emptiness, and how do you make it not empty anymore? video games and movies and drunken partying really only put a thin layer of shiny covering over the chasm, so as to give the illusion that one's life is full and complete with these things in it. but if you dare to walk over that thin layer, you'll soon realize the frailty of it. it is inevitable that you will fall through to the emptiness below.

how does one fill this space? ignoring it only seems to make it bigger and deeper. it becomes like a wound that just won't heal. band-aids don't work to heal this wound. the automatic reaction is to try and fill it with physical things: food, booze, sex, toys... but this hole is not something that is physical. it does not have a location, it cannot be pointed to or measured. so trying to fill it with sensory pleasures does nothing but make the emptiness seem much more glaring. no matter how much you try to stuff your face, that hole is still there, looming at you. no matter how much sex you have, that yearning for something is still evident.


i think it is unfulfilled desires of the spirit. what does the spirit desire, you may ask? i think the spirit desires to create, and to experience beauty.

video games, movies, food, texting, partying-- these are all engaging for the mind and perhaps the body. but the spirit feels left out. the spirit is much quieter and less obvious than the mind or body. the body is clearly there, and the mind is constantly chattering at you with its drama, trying to solve the "problem" of your life. but the spirit is quiet. it sits in the back of your mind, watching things happen. have you ever had that experience? suddenly you are watching yourself through your own eyes, and the question of "why am i here? what am i doing? who AM i?" arises out of nowhere. but it isn't quite a worded question, like those of the mind. it is just a feeling of sudden and unnerving awareness of the self. or i should say, the Self. and then the mind takes over again, getting easily distracted by the stimuli and the hustle and bustle of daily life, and you forget all about that feeling.

that feeling, however, is what you should be aiming for. it is what will drive you to become more and more your fullest, most beautiful potential. that is what meditation is; finding the observer within. finding that place in the back of your mind which watches EVERYTHING happen, including the thoughts. when you sit in the seat of the observer, the witness, you do not identify with the mind and it's jabber. you do not identify with the body and its occasional discomfort.

but meditation is boring! says the mind. and indeed, if you forget your place as the witness, you will find yourself carried off by the stream of thoughts, and your body follows suit. you get tensed up, you find some reason to shift around, and eventually your mind CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! so you say "fuck this" and you go play your video games or something.

the mind is sabotaging your efforts to quiet its incessant, nonsensical chatter! do not give in to its efforts! you have control over your thoughts. and since your mind has control over your body, it is probably in your best interest to take control of your mind. because you mind not only has control over the movements of your body. every feeling you have (sadness, anger, happiness, etc) is caused by a chemical called a "neuropeptide," which is produced in the hypothalamus in your brain. these chemicals land on receptors, located on the surface of each one of your trillions of cells. there are receptors for each specific emotion known to man. every time you have a thought of something that makes you feel, say shame, for example, the neuropeptide for shame is produced by the hypothalamus and pumped throughout your body. the chemical travels to each cell and makes you physically feel the emotion of shame. the same happens for every single emotion.

here's the thing. if you are used to feeling a certain emotion all the time, your cells will create more receptors for the corresponding neuropeptide. you are literally ADDICTED to a chemical produced within your own brain. it is an addiction which everyone will deny they have. but it is the exact same phenomenon which occurs in the brain of someone who is addicted to cigarettes. the body will recognize when it has not received its chemical fix, and will flash images and words at you which will cause your brain to produce the right neuropeptides.

we all have formed habitual patterns of thought. be it self-righteousness (ever had an argument with someone in your head? imagining yourself really giving them a piece of your mind? yeah, me too. what a waste of thought energy!), self-loathing ("i'm not pretty/smart/funny/cool enough to be around so-and-so"), self-pity ("why does all this shit have to happen to ME?? why am I always the one who has to [fill in the blank]). these habits are not naturally occurring. we aren't born thinking "oh man, i'm really a shitty baby. look at me, i can't even feed myself! i'm always shitting myself and making noise. my life sucks!" babies enter this world as bright, beautiful, pure beings in a corrupt and insane world. and just as a stem cell which is placed in an environment of other cells (liver, kidney, lung, pancreas, etc) and becomes one of those cells, learning the functions and duties of the cells around it, so does a child become moulded to the environment into which it has been placed. so your negative and limiting thought patterns, which have over time become chemical addictions, are not your fault. but they are your responsibility.

remember, if you become a victim to circumstance, your mind will create reasons for why you should feel like a victim, just so your body can get its fix of victim chemicals. so don't fall victim to the fact that your current addictions were given to you by your parents and society! you will only replace one negative addiction with another. in order to break free from your current addiction, replace it with a positive addiction.

science is showing us that we CAN rewire our brain. we can create new neural connections. the next time you notice your mind thinking "man, i'm such a loser" or "damn, this sucks" or "man, that girl is a bitch, i ought to give her a piece of my mind..." stop. say to your mind "now that's no way i wish to be thinking. what positive thought can i replace that with?" then, think of the opposite of what you just thought. let's say your mind said to you "i'm a loser, nobody loves me." the opposite of this would be "i'm not a loser, and everybody loves me," right? wrong. your subconscious mind (which governs 90 percent of your thoughts and actions) does not know the word no. it only works in "yes." so if you are going to create new thought habits, you must create them in a way that says "yes." so instead of saying "i am not a loser" you would say something like "i am a beautiful and amazing person, with qualities and gifts that everyone around me enjoys. i am worthy of love, and i love myself."

now let's say that your mind is telling you "this sucks." how would you say "this does not suck?" to your mind? well you can't counter a statement that is inherently negative. the word "sucks" in that context is always going to be negative, so just eliminate it from your vocabulary. instead, ask yourself "how can i look at this in a positive way? how does this situation benefit me and my greater growth? what lesson can i take out of this?" there is always a positive way to look at what is in front of you. we all have the habit of looking at what we are given in the most negative light, and then reacting to it from that standpoint. but it only takes consciousness to change your perspective. it only takes a little bit of effort to tell yourself to relax so that you can respond rather than react. RE-act, means to act again. like the word RE-flex. you are making a move that you have made before. you are acting out of habit. and for the most part, our habits don't serve us in the best way possible.

so create new habits. the next time you are bored, go to that place of Self-awareness in the back of your mind and ask your spirit what it would like to do. it may not tell you with words. words and symbols are the mind's way of communicating. physical sensations (pain, pleasure, itchiness, etc) are the body's way of communicating. feelings and urges are the soul's way of communicating. if you ask your spirit what it wishes to do, you may have an urge to do something that your mind totally disagrees with. but as we have just discussed, the mind doesn't always know what's best. don't listen to your mind. tell your mind to listen to you. follow the urge of your spirit. i can pretty much guarantee that if you make THAT your habit, the abyss of boredom will begin to fill up until you have no such experience anymore.


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