sex is a weird phenomenon. i don't understand how people can have sex with people with whom they have absolutely no love connection. the times i have tried that, i feel horrible afterwards. i feel cheap and used, just a sack of meat to be fucked and tossed aside. i can feel the energetic difference between sex experienced from a purely sacral-chakra-standpoint, and sex as a spiritual, all-chakra-encompassing standpoint. i don't like the former.
i'm a scorpio. sex is kinda my thing. it's one of the great mysteries that i have a drive to solve. i don't know what sex is like for anyone who isn't a scorpio, but for me sex is a direct connection to the soul. it is such a unique and strange experience that i have to be there with all parts of my being. if one part of my being is not paid attention to, it is easy to tell. it is easy to feel when there is a mind/body/soul connection and when there is not. i don't understand why anyone would want to experience anything less than that. but then again, i suppose not many people know what a soul connection feels like, so i guess they don't know what they're missing. to me, the physical sensation of having sex is useless without the soul within the other body being involved. isn't that the point of sex? otherwise, a vibrator would be fine, thanks.
in fact, a vibrator would be better. i know how to please myself physically much better than most men seem to.
i found out, in the few times i've had reiki done on me, that my sacral chakra (dealing with matters of pleasure on the physical plane) and my heart chakra (dealing, obviously, with matters of love -- giving and receiving) are somehow directly connected. they seem to be almost one and the same. i cannot separate the feeling of love from the act of sex. when i try, it hurts me, physically and emotionally.
i wish there wasn't so much negative stigma surrounding sex. there's all this expectation and social nicety that one must comply to. if a girl sleeps around she's a slut. but a guy is a loser if he doesn't sleep around. if a girl knows what she wants and won't accept anything less than her standard, she's a prude or a bitch or something, i don't even know.
and the jealousy that arises when two people are "together" as a "couple." a foundation of ownership is established, and if either one begins to feel restricted by the boundaries which have been set, they will naturally wish they could jump over the fence and experience something new. this creates jealousy, fear of loss, and domination. these are not natural feelings which should be introduced into truly loving relationships! who i have sex with has nothing to do with how much i love one person or another. it's a paradox! sex is just sex! and then again, sex is not just sex, but a sacred and blessed act of energy exchange. but just because i have sex with someone doesn't mean i wish to have them as a co-creative life partner. it just means that this other person and i feel a mutual, physical pull towards each other. it just means that this person and i, for some reason, have a desire to find out more about each other's physical energy.
sex should be something that every single person can experience freely and openly. without fear of judgement. without having to go through drama and trauma.
is it so hard to ask for a mind/body/soul connection? i know that the standard is within the consciousness of human beings, because i've seen it in movies! anything that can be imagined can be created and experienced. so why has everyone allowed their standards to drop so low? why is everyone so satisfied to feel the boring experience of penis-in-vagina-ok-i'm-finished-let's-sleep-now. that is so horribly mundane. why does everyone settle with that?
i refuse to settle for that cheap and superficial of an experience of something which should be so sacred and wonderful. i refuse to allow anyone within my body temple who will not treat it as such: a temple. temples are to be treated with sacred wonder and joyous union with the One.
just a rant. i know it seems random, but it's what's been on my mind.