Thursday, December 17, 2009

the waiting is the hardest part!

so much has changed in my life quite quickly. i haven't seen or hung out with any friends in weeks. i am at home, with basically nothing to do. i have a job at a little bakery downtown, but i only work a few days a week. it's difficult for me to be in this situation again. nothing to do but face my own thoughts. nowhere to go but further inward.

my ego feels like i'm wasting my time by just staying still and listening, observing, getting comfortable. i was in a yoga class yesterday, and unlike a lot of yoga classes, we only did a few poses... but the class took an hour and a half because we fully relaxed into each and every pose. i guess i've been moving so quickly from one thing to another that i haven't allowed myself to fully relax into anything i'm doing. i just do it until i get bored, and then jump on the next thing that comes my way.

it's really been a challenge for me to just settle down, chill out, stop bouncing around. i feel like i'm supposed to be DOING something. but there's nothing for me to do right now except relax, be thankful, be happy. ego forgets that there is all the time in the universe to experience life. this amount of time that i'm taking to calm down is a blip on the radar. it just feels like forever because i have nothing else to compare it to.

fear of "wasting time" seems to be immanent in everyone's lives nowadays. we have forgotten that the universe is billions of years old -- and so are we! just because i have only spent 20 earth years in this physical form doesn't mean that is how long i've been ALIVE. if i "died" tomorrow, i would still have all the time in the universe to be alive and to experience. life doesn't ever end, so what is the hurry? why do we have to stress ourselves by constantly running around, doing things according to someone else's clock?

this time is a big lesson for me. it's an opportunity for me to experience standing still. taking my time. there's no rush. there's nothing for me to do. there is nobody i am responsible for except myself. this is easy! all i have to do is BE. i don't need to think about anything, i don't need to do anything, i don't need to say anything. i just need to BE, and be thankful as i am.

i love my life. i love everyone i've ever met. i love everything i've ever done. i love every experience that is coming my way.

i love the universe!


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