Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The First Big Fly

In my post about relationships (The "R" Word), I talked about wanting to treat my relationships like I have treated my acting career.  I also mentioned my need for a teacher.  Someone who could show me something new about relationships, someone to point out my blind spots.  Someone who was objective enough that they could be honest about what they see, and who cared about me enough that they could be loving and firm in their feedback.  I have also been wanting someone to mentor/coach/train me in my craft as an actress.  My classes are amazing and fun and completely beneficial, but I want to go even more in depth with my training.

So then in my post this morning I talked about building my web and allowing the flies to land there.  Well today, one hell of a fly has landed, and I am amazed at how mind-blowingly perfect and synchronistic it is!

In April this year, I answered a Craigslist ad requesting people who were interested in journalism, but who wanted to do it differently than it is being done in the media today.  I don't remember what the ad said, but it is irrelevant.  I replied.  She responded, asking to meet.  But for whatever reason, the timing wasn't right and our paths never managed to cross.  I never heard from her again.

Until a few days ago.

I got an email in reply to the previous emails we had exchanged.  I remembered contacting her, but it had been so long ago that I didn't even know what I had replied to.  But she said she would be in town for a couple of days and wanted to connect.  Well sure, why not?  We decided to meet tonight at one of my favorite little cafe/restaurants downtown.

Well we immediately hit it off because the first thing she said to me was that, somehow, my old email had been bumped to the top of her inbox before she came to town, which was why she contacted me again.  She felt that we were meant to meet.  I agreed.  So she asked me about myself.  I told her I am an actress.  She said, "Yes, you're taking a class, right?" (I had mentioned it in one of the emails).  She said, "What method are you learning?"  I told her we use the Meisner technique.  She said, "Oh, you know I graduated from the Neighborhood Playhouse!"

Cue mind explosion.

"WHAT?!" I said, "You're blowing my mind!"  She said with a sly grin, "I'm blowing your mind?" and suddenly we were doing repetitions.

The entire time we talked, I could hardly believe what was happening.  I have been considering going to the Neighborhood Playhouse to further my training.  As we talked, she told me tips and tricks of the trade.  She showed me how to relax my voice and get into my body.  She told me that she thinks I'll be ready to hit the pavement without going to the Playhouse at all.

I told her how insanely cosmic this was, because I had been asking for a mentor.  I had been asking for a teacher who could see me and who could be honest with me and help me prepare for the next steps I'll need to take as an actress.  Everything she said to me resonated so powerfully, because they were things I had been trying to tell myself.  But like I said in my "'R' Word" post, I am an extrovert, and I need external feedback to fuel my momentum.

But she didn't just give me blessed advice and praise in my acting career.  She somehow managed to provide me with a safe place to empty out my relationship worries, and we looked at them together.  She told me things I had been trying so hard to tell myself, but I hadn't been convinced.  Now I feel strong in my knowledge of what I truly want.

This hit me as such a miracle, to be meeting this woman.  It was like meeting an older version of myself.  I feel like a child, so ready and eager to take in as much as I possibly can fit into my tiny body and brain.  I want to learn and grow and play and explore.  I want to be trained and molded.  I want to master my craft, and I need to learn from someone who has it mastered.  I have been needing this, and I am so thankful to have let it in.

It is so fantastically cosmic.  It is amazing what happens when we focus our intention.  When we clear aside all the other energy-sucking endeavors that pull at our attention all day long.  "How am I going to make money?" was a major energy-sucking intention-diverter for me.  Another one is sex, and my conflicted desire for and fear of it.  But now I realize that the more I focus on acting as the most important priority in my life, above ALL else, the other things will fall naturally into place in the right timing.  There will be no need to work at those things or hunt them down, because they will be swept up to me along the current I am now in.

Nothing is more important to me than acting.

"Well what about God?" some might ask.

Good question.  For me, acting IS connecting with God.  It is the most visceral, pleasurable, exciting, passionate connection I have ever experienced with myself.  I want to explore it, grow it, breathe into it, expand it.  All I want is IT.  I can't go back to not having it, I will literally die.  This is what keeps me breathing.  This is what stirs me to waking in the morning.  This is what drives me to live each day with open eyes.  That is what God should be for everyone:  that thing that wakes you up and breathes you and pushes you forward into something new and tantalizing and exciting.  There is nothing like it and it makes my heart want to explode into my brain and out my eyeballs.

When I focused my intention and made my acting career my top priority, my reason for being, and more important to me than money or sex, the momentum kicked into high gear.  Things are manifesting swiftly now, and it will take all the awareness I have to continue to allow it in.  It will take all of my awareness to continue doing things that serve my top priority, and to discontinue the things that are robbing me of the precious energy it takes to keep this momentum going.

To say that I am thankful would be a gross understatement.  I am floored, and so much excitement and hope and passion and certainty has been ignited within me.  Now I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that Divine Providence has taken over my life.  All I have to do is keep my eyes on the prize!

So much Love,

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