well, so much for getting to bed early! i haven't slept yet, but i did see the sunrise :) haha, i actually had a great morning. i'm feelin good!
i realized something while i was meditating this morning. i was thinking about being in a darkroom, and how much i love it. i get those really pleasant chills when i'm in a pitch-black room, with nobody but me, and a task at hand. and i emerge victorious, with film canister in hand, ready to work with a new artistic potential. such is the same with life for me, a scorpio woman. although i often feel afraid when i am in the throes of depression, there is something in the darkness that must be experienced. something very intangible. a chilling loneliness that cannot be matched in well-lit areas. it's the same reason why i love going into cemeteries at night. nobody is there! nobody dares go there because they're secretly too afraid. but we scorpios are too intrigued by the darkness for our fear to overpower our curiosity.
i haven't talked about astrology yet, but it is something i love very much. i always feel so honored to be a scorpio. it is the most mysterious and complex of all the astrological energies. and i have a LOT of scorpio energy in me (4 planets in fact!). scorpio is intense and passionate, that's what everyone knows already. but everyone is afraid of scorpios because we have a bad reputation. we're not assholes, i promise! we're mostly just misunderstood, much like a scorpion. i've held scorpions, they're actually quite docile. there is nothing to be afraid of. you just need to be aware that if a scorpion feels threatened, it will issue warnings, and then it will use its stinger. same with scorpios. you do not want to fuck around with a scorpio. we will never let on when we are feeling vulnerable or hurt. you won't know it for a very long time. but we always remember, every single offense is taken into account. until one day, out of the blue, we EXPLODE! it seems like it's for the stupidest reason, but it is because of the straw breaking the camel's back. watch out! anyone in the way will be stung without mercy and without thought. it is instinct, and it is automatic and almost involuntary.
i say almost because it is the scorpio's greatest self-development task to master her temper. scorpios have the greatest capacity for transcendence. many are unaware that there are actually 3 animals associated with scorpio, one of which is the phoenix, which burns itself up in a passionate explosion, only to rise anew from the ashes.
this is what my life has been like for the past few months. an old, frightened, unloved and unloving me died a slow and painful death that lasted from the end of november until a couple of weeks ago. and today a fresh, beautiful, bright young phoenix is rising from the ashes of what used to be my life. whew!
anyway, if any of you are scorpios, let me know about your own experiences! i know you know what i'm talking about when i mention the darkness. or maybe you're too distracted with all the earth-shattering sex you're having? who knows :P