Monday, November 30, 2009

"sometimes you just have to force yourself not to respond, especially if responding is going to be hurtful"

my mom just said that to me.

i feel so lost. i don't know what i'm doing wrong. why is it that whenever i make a choice, or say something out of a place that i think is love, someone get's pissed off at me, or misunderstands my intentions, or just plain gets hurt?

god, please tell me what i can do to change my behavior so that i don't continue to step on everyone around me while trying to make decisions.

well the best way to stop stepping on everyone is to stand still and pay attention to where they are in relation to you.

what does that mean? how do i do that in reality?

just breathe. look at your friends, and imagine yourself where they are. why would your friend feel slighted by your actions?

because maybe she thinks i'm ungrateful for all the love that she and her family gave me over the weekend.

and why would she feel that way?

because i wrote about it in a blog post and told everyone to read it...

perhaps not everyone wants your lessons to be publicly viewed?

what should i do? i can't erase my actions, and i don't want to erase anything i've said. i still find truth in them...

maybe you could simply make amends by clarifying what you have written, by pointing out that you ARE in fact grateful, beyond words. words are the least effective purveyor of truth. they become misconstrued and are interpreted via each person's individual filtor: their mind, and their experience. your words, though they ring true for you and your experience, may not hold the same truth for your best friend and your partner. they may not see the angle you are viewing things from. they may think you are acting and speaking without love for them and their realities. although this is certainly not true for you (if you had no compassion for the ones you loved, you would not be feeling the sting of your actions on them), they aren't so sure. reassure them that you are not trying to hurt them. you are a human being with human experiences, all of which are perfect and beautiful in their own way. you are not doing anything "wrong." you are experiencing, and that is what you should be doing. you are remembering that you are part of a whole, and simply the fact that you understand that you may have hurt them by what you have written here proves that you are earnest in your learning experience. it shows that you care to make "right" what you may have done "wrong" by them. in this, you are also learning to make right what you have done wrong by your Self.

what have i been doing wrong by my Self?

remember, you are never doing anything "wrong." there is no such thing as "right" or "wrong."

yes, i know, i've been reading that in Conversations with God.

i know you have, and i'm just reminding you of that.

thanks, but now what can i change? what have i been ignoring, or missing?

you have been ignoring the fact that EVERYONE is JUST AS MUCH OF A DIVINE BEING AS YOU ARE. whether you are talking to a "jock" who doesn't seem to understand you on any level, or whether you are talking to Jesus the Christ himself. there is no better or worse in the eyes of God. there is nothing more or less divine in the universe. everyone is playing on their own level, by their own rules, and with their own spectrum of understanding. just because you have a broader range of understanding than some people your age does not make your choices or your reality any more important than their's. you are beautiful and magnificent and perfect, and so is everyone else. judge not lest ye be judged. you have been judging the love that the people around you have been trying to show you. you have labeled it as not good enough for someone of your caliber. yet i tell you this, all love is love, and every bit of love is just as important as the next. the same goes with money, oxygen, fire, or any other form of energy. when you can learn to count the pennies of love as equally important as the million-dollar check of love, then you will truly understand the value in those around you. they are all doing their best. they are all giving you love from their place of highest understanding. they are all trying to tell you their point of view. do not label it as "not truth" just because you see things differently. everyone's truth is truth, because everyone is creating their own reality. nobody does anything they think is wrong, in relationship to their worldview and their frame of mind. everyone is doing their best. just love them for it, and accept every penny of love they are trying to give to you. pennies add up, you know. this whole analogy is what you have been missing in your search for actual money as well.

is this all coming from me? i never really thought about any of this in that way... thank you for the insight, whoever gave that to me.

you know who gave it to you. you gave it to yourself, and I gave it to you, and so did everyone around you. you know the truth. you are the truth. be love, be the truth, and just relax. you have everything you've ever desired. stop questioning the motives of god. you know that you have and are everything you choose to have and be. choose love. choose prosperity. choose health. you are already all of these things. you have no need to fear!

just relax. you're okay, and so is everyone and everything else. you haven't lost anything, you haven't done irreparable damage, you haven't "fucked everything up." you're just in the process of becoming more aware. pain is simply the body, mind, or soul bringing attention to something that needs to be addressed. if you bump into a table in the middle of the night because the lights were off, the pain you feel in your hip is your body bringing attention to the fact that there is an object there, to your left, and that you should make more of an effort to feel out your environmet before you go further. that is what is happening here with you socially. you keep bumping into things, wondering why everything keeps hurting you and everyone else. you haven't taken the time to stand still, feel out your environment, and decide the best and most pain-free route of action. now is that time for you. just hold still for a bit. everything is working, don't worry. the universe and all of its good does not stop making progress if you take a break to catch your breath. everything is moving forward, whether you are standing still or not.

thank you god. you're right about everything. my mom has been trying to tell me this for weeks now and i didn't want to listen to her.

thank you to everyone who has been so patient with me while i had my eyes closed.


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