last weekend i went to Phish's Super Ball IX. what a great time! i met some amazing people, including a few of the artists who had been hired to make some of the installations at the festival. what cool people they were! and i left the festival feeling inspired to just start making things. my dad gave me a sketch book, and i am realizing how much my drawing muscles have atrophied over the last several years. it's ok though. one revelation i had during the last night of Super Ball was "nothing is lost in the spirit of the Lord."
i never use the term "the Lord," but this phrase came to me after i had taken some acid. i recognized that it applies to everything; physical items, people, talents, knowledge, abilities, connections, health, love... even "sanity" and cognition. every time i felt some worry creep up, that perhaps i was tripping too hard and wouldn't come back this time, i thought of this phrase and knew everything would be alright. hallucinogens always remind me of my ultimate power in choosing how well the Trip goes. whether i am tripping on acid or tripping on life itself, i am always in control of the feeling. in every moment, i can choose to focus on things that bring me down or things that excite me. and when you're tripping, you do not want to focus on things that bring you down, even for a moment, because you can immediately feel where it will take you emotionally, and if you continue down that path, it can really affect you on a deep level, because you may go all the way into the depths of your own self-created hell. this happens in "normal" life as well, but it is much subtler and sneakier sometimes, because your sensitivities aren't heightened to these things. unless you train yourself to become sensitive in that way, and then it becomes easier and easier.
so that is what i am doing now. this week has been lovely because i have been letting go more, and i am finding it easier to do tasks around my house that i was really feeling overwhelmed by. doing laundry, vacuuming, tidying up in general ways. i'm eating well, drinking lots of water, doing yoga, going for walks with my dog, and practicing my artwork. that's what it is. you have to practice.
so i'm also learning the flute. someone sold a flute to my dad for 10 bucks, and he gave it to me to fiddle around with. it's really fun, i can actually make a nice sound on it, and the fingerings aren't very difficult. i played clarinet in middle and high school. this is very different though, because for half of the notes (the higher octave), you have to change your embouchure to make the note higher. but all of that will just take practice as well.
my body is becoming stronger, healthier, more beautiful. it's wonderful to witness, and it is so nice to live in a family that supports these things. yesterday, my dad and i went grocery shopping and bought the most amazing array of fresh fruits, vegetables, and various other items (raw cashews, dates, craisins, granola, honey, peanut butter, almond milk, dark chocolate with sea salt and almonds (!!!), juice, feta cheese, greek yogurt, etc). everything available to me now is something i am in total alignment with eating. one thing i have decided is: i will never again eat meat that has been corn-fed. during the phish festival, i was staying with some dudes from colorado, and they had brought all of this really amazing organic, grass-fed meat. it was unlike any meat i'd ever had before. it was as if i had never eaten meat before in my life, i had been eating some mediocre excuse for meat. for a while i kept fighting with myself, trying to be vegetarian (because i thought i "should"), but not having a good enough excuse to give up meat (i have no problem with eating animals, i see nothing wrong with it). now i have a great excuse to give up most meat, because i don't ever want to eat shitty meat again. grass-fed meat is so much better for the body. it is full of nutrition, and high in omega 3 fatty acids, which are necessary for the body's function. plus it is tastier, has much better texture, and it's not full of antibiotics, hormones, and stress-chemicals from the animals living in unnatural environments.
i haven't talked much about food on this blog before, but i think i will take some time to talk about my perspective on food. we all have our own beliefs about food, and as many of you know, your beliefs create your reality. some people believe that a raw vegan diet is the best for the human body. this is actually coming to be a very popular belief, and i understand why. for the most part, my diet is mainly raw just by default. i love fresh fruits and vegetables, they are delicious. often i will steam my veggies (you can't really eat raw asparagus... it just doesn't work). but there are many other things that humans have invented that are incredibly nutritious and beneficial to the human body. for example: yogurt. this is an amazingly healthy food, and it is neither raw nor vegan. it hosts a number of healthy bacteria that assist the body's digestion. it is also high in protein and healthy fat. plus, if it is coming from grass fed cows, it is high in vitamins and nutrients that the cow received from the grass it ate, which received the loving rays of the sun.
if you think about eating sunlight, you'll have a good diet. the closer you are to eating fresh sunlight, the healthier your body is going to be. this is my belief system, and i rather enjoy it. there's no "rules" or "no-nos," it's just common sense and listening to my own body. fresh vegetables and fruits, dairy (including butter) and eggs from grass-fed animals, grass-fed meats, wild seafood... these are all foods that are very close to the sunlight which gives everything physical energy. eating processed foods that are all made in dark factories with very little love and attention... probably not the best thing for the body. it's not going to be harmful in a moderate amount, but some people create their entire diet based on things in packages. there is no sunlight. there is no Love.
there are some things, however, that are human inventions, which are beautiful to consume (again, everything in moderation). fermented foods, like Kim Chi (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kimchi) and yogurt all help the digestive system. and bread is a human staple, and has been for thousands of years, across all cultures. there is a reason for this, and i believe that humans have intuited ways of nourishing their bodies by using things in nature in different ways to create certain effects. tea is really good for you, and there are many different kinds for many different purposes... but you don't find tea in nature as a liquid. humans had to figure out that boiling it would extract the beneficial flavors and effects from the leaves or flowers. and rice is impossible to eat raw, but if you boil it, it is edible and incredibly nutritious, especially when combined with legumes of some type.
i agree, raw and fresh is better in most cases. but any time you take something to an extreme, you're disallowing yourself a full experience of life. i sometimes eat potato chips. there is nothing nutritious about potato chips! but they're tasty, and they compliment a sandwich very well (way better than carrot sticks).
on a new subject, one thing i am taking slightly to an extreme is sex, or rather no sex. i am deliberately choosing celibacy at this time in my life. i have several interrelated reasons for this. the primary reason is that i haven't found a strong and mutual heart connection with a man yet. i know i will soon. but without that connection, sex is thoroughly unsatisfying, and actually creates immense emotional turmoil within me. it's quite a distraction, and saps me of the energy that i need to do and create other things. to my very core, i know that sex is supposed to be an invigorating and beautiful experience, that takes both parties to a new level of understanding, of each other and themselves. i haven't experienced this kind of sex yet, and it has frustrated me a lot. i know i am a powerful and sexy woman, and i deserve to be worshipped and loved by a powerful and sexy man. so i am waiting for that man, and i am savoring the waiting. i know that after celibacy, such a sexual encounter will be earth-shattering, life-changing, magnificent to behold. for me, that is something worth waiting for.
so that is my update. note that these are all personal revelations, not universal truths. so anyone reading this can disregard whatever doesn't vibe with them, and if you can find a morsel of truth in what i have said, that pertains to your life, then i have done my job well.
love you all!