The Orchestra

my love for myself has flourished and blossomed so gently and sweetly. now, when an emotion comes up that feels sad or angry or upsetting in some way, i am able to find the source of Love benieth it, and appreciate myself for it.

every emotional response comes from Love, even if it doesn't appear to be Love in the moment of its expression. it always comes from a deep source of Love.

for example, my most recent emotional experiences have been with regards to relationships and romantic love. i've felt a lot of aching, longing, grieving, sadness. it's a feeling most of us have encountered, because it is such a pervasive collective vibration on this planet. it comes from a deep, deep desire to share profound love and bliss with another. this is a beautiful desire (indeed it is the core of every aspect of Creation), and it can be made real in the physical world. all desires can be made real in the physical world. but as we know, it takes a Knowing and a letting go and a Trusting for the Universe to be allowed to make real these desires of ours. the pain we have experienced in romantic relationship is from holding on. and then "losing." we love someone so much that we try to grasp onto them and keep them close and when the inevitable happens... change, of course... we feel the discord as pain and grief because we haven't kept up to speed with life as it has become. the emotions labled "pain," "longing," and "grief," are the discordant sounds of the human instrument being out of tune with the Universal Orchestra. it is what happens when we try to keep playing a beautiful line of music that we loved so much, when the Orchestra has moved on to even more beautiful notes and melodies, and we are now playing the wrong notes.

from where i am now, the best option i can see, if i want to catch up with the Orchestra, is to just stop playing for a little while. i am letting go of relationships. i am letting go of sex. i am letting go of that beautiful and honorable desire. i know that eventually, it is being made real in the physical world. i know this, and i have known it for my entire life. but i have grown weary of trying to make it happen in the wrong timing. i no longer wish to try directing the Orchestra, because it is so Vast and complex and beautiful that i feel constantly lost when i try. i just want to let go, allow my instrument to tune itself up, and play my part as Directed. i want to get into the flow of the Music.

it feels so good to be in the Flow, whether or not others are there with me. that's where i choose to be. i am letting go now.

love,
the Phoenix