Monday, May 31, 2010

70 posts!

this is my 70th post. cool.

i don't know what to write about!

i went hiking with my parents and my sister today. i kept hopping out of the vortex and mixing it up with my mom. she still thinks she can control me. it's funny. she tells me to do something, or stop doing something, and i just say "no!" and she can't do anything. maybe it's a little "immature" but it feels empowering to me. there are a lot of things i want to do in this world, and if people just tell me to not do something for no reason, i'm always going to choose what i want to do. i'm done with being bossed around. i'm free to make my choices in this life. i am free to be and do what i want.

i'm so excited for my summer trip. i am looking forward to meeting loads of new people and learning and growing from them. i have no idea what i am about to run into! so much happens in such short amounts of time, who knows what will unfold between now and when i leave. who knows what will happen between now and bonnaroo? who knows what will occur between bonnaroo and my birthday?? so much time to span, and so much land to explore and so many people to meet and so much love to spread!


i love life. it's becoming more and more glorious every day. i love the unfoldment of it all. and i love that if one day goes by that isn't as glorious as i want it to be, there is always the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day..... eternity is a long time. infinity is a big number. it's incomprehensible. there's nothing standing between me and tomorrow. there's nothing in this world that can harm me. sure, there may be physical things that could physically break my container. but i am more than my container, and if this one breaks i'll just find a new one. and that will be fun! i love life, and i'm so thankful for every moment i am experiencing. i am learning to appreciate every moment more and more and more, and it's getting easier and easier to focus on the feeling of happiness. it's getting easier to find that sense of eager purposefulness.

well, i'm tired for some reason. probably because i have a magazine to create and i haven't even started on the physical action of it. i have some ideas sort of nebulously floating in my mind, but i just need to sit down and focus my creative energy into doing it. my first issue happened like that. most of my projects and things happen like that. i have a deadline, and i put it off and put it off until the last minute, and then i get a flood of creative energy and i get it all done in a day or less. and it's glorious. i always do better work when i'm just sitting down and doing it all at once. i feel more focused and intentional. if i'm spacing out my work, often (depending on the project) it doesn't turn out as good as if i do it in the midst of an intense burst of creativity. it sucks for college though, because if you've got 3 papers all due within a day of each other, that's a lot of "bursts" that you have to try to have. and that's not quite the same as suddenly feeling the urge to get something done, and sitting down and completing it in no time.

i'm looking forward to going back to school next spring. it's gonna be fun!

blip blop bloop!


[edit: this is no longer my 70th post. i deleted the previous post because the photos weren't showing up. bummer. oh well, 69 is better than 70 anyway ;)]

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