Tuesday, May 7, 2013

From whom all blessings flow

So much emotion is swimming through me these days.  Right now in particular, I'm finding it difficult to solidify the feelings into words and cohesion.

For so long I have clung to an archaic idea of passion and "love."  However, in contrast to the blissful calm and serenity I had been experiencing lately, this "passion" feels horrible.  I feel like I'm being tossed about on the waves of internal dialogue, telling so-and-so all the things I'll never be able to say to him out loud.  Imagining all the ways in which we could interact romantically, and then trying so hard to hold it all back, knowing that he doesn't want the same from me.  What a chaotic vibration!

I'm becoming ready to let it all smooth out again.  How wonderful it is to become so clear that when something old and out-of-whack arises, it is very obvious and easy to feel, and quick to resolve.

Everything is going right for me, and I do have the power to weather this storm.  It will pass, and I can feel it ebbing already.  I am cared for and Loved beyond any human capacity to imagine, and every chance I get I want to let in a little bit more of that.

God, thank you for this knowing.  Thank you for this day of ease and prayers answered.  The burger was delicious!


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