Monday, January 14, 2013

first post of the new year

It's been a while since I sat down and just wrote.  A lot has been unfolding, inside and out.  I was hibernating for several weeks, as has become traditional for me over the last few winters.  I succumbed to it, and even enjoyed it for the most part.  The low energy, lots of sleeping, very little exercise... it was an indulgence for a while, but eventually I began to grow restless.  That's when I knew I needed to start living again.

So I got a job in a new town, and have lined up an apartment there.  It's a cute little place that I really look forward to decorating and living in.  I've never lived out on my own before, and the melange of emotions tumbling through my body is fascinating.  Excitement mixed with sadness, anxiety, determination, focus, and the tiniest bit of uncertainty.  This is probably the best state of being that could possibly be.  I'm on the brink of new things, and I am loving this.

I can feel that it's all working out for me, so even in moments when I get frustrated or worried, I find it easy to step back and let go and trust the unfolding of all the Good.  It's all worked out so far, even in the times when I've doubted it.  Everything eventually worked out for me, so now I figure I might as well enjoy waiting for it to work out rather than worry and freak out about the timing of it all.

I used to say things like this to try and convince myself that they're true.  Nowadays, I don't really think about trying to be "right" or "positive" or whatever.  I'm just saying "Yes" to everything that comes my way, and "fuck it" to the things I'm worried about.  I guess this is why I haven't been writing much lately.  There's nothing I feel like I need to "teach" or share because I know everyone will figure it all out on their own.  I did.  And I think it's best to do it that way, because then we have our own individual experience and connection to Life, rather than a pre-digested formula for how to live.  Me, I prefer to just go balls to the wall, fuck up royally, and learn from it, then go at it from a different angle the next time.  Or the same one again until I get the point.

Needless to say, I'm having lots more fun being free like this than I was before when I tried to keep all those rules in mind.  You know, those rules you're supposed to follow if you're trying to be "spiritual."  They're bullshit rules, and I have decided to break them all just for the fun of it.  I'll do things my way, thank you very much.



  1. Replies
    1. Tu me manques aussi, monsieur. Tu dois me visiter quelque fois, d'accord?