hypochondria

i've been thinking about the word "hypochondria" as it pertains to me. looking back on my life since high school, it seemed like one thing after another was wrong with my body. i dislocated my knee several times between ninth grade and now. i had super bad lower back pain for almost an entire summer once. i had a foot injury that had residual effects up until recently. i had to go to physical therapy for a shoulder problem that hasn't managed to leave yet. i had pains in my lungs for several months in 2009. i had a recurring bladder infection from july until present. it's been one thing after another going wrong with my body. as my friend put it (a little sarcastically?) "wow, you're falling apart."

this lead to a lot of paranoia about my body. i was constantly worrying about whether i would ever be completely healthy again, wondering what was going to go wrong next. this is hypochondria if i ever saw it! it's so funny, because i always laughed at the idea of hypochondria. people basically making up nonsense ailments in their heads, and convincing themselves that they are experiencing symptoms.

then my friend yesterday told me that i need to get my "control drama in check." he said that i am "poor me incarnate" and that whenever any kind of energy channel is opened with me, i start in on what is going wrong with my life.

this made me remember that i've been doing this with ALL aspects of my life: my body, my financial situation, my college experience, my family, my EVERYTHING. instead of looking at what IS healthy in my experience, i have been worrying about the parts that feel "off," and wondering what's going to go wrong next.

of course, the irony of hypochondria is "what you think about, you bring about." a hypochondriac is worrying so much about one little "symptom," imaginary or real, and focuses so much on it that it ends up getting worse and actually being something which consumes the person.

this is not how i wish to use my time! wasting it by focusing on one little ache or pain and in effect, ignoring all the health that i have been blessed with.

i think a lot of us experience hypochondria in our lives. we get caught up in the drama surrounding us in the media and in our perceived realities. we focus on that drama, talk about it as if it's important, and then internalize the resulting vibration. then we look for the next thing to complain about, until we really have nothing to talk about that doesn't somehow lead to complaining or gossiping.

gossip and complaint are the worst wastes of thought and word energy. it is focusing on what is wrong in the outside world, which distracts us from the things we can work on internally.

as dr, wayne dyer says, "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." are you looking at your life and only seeing the "problems" you have? why not be thankful for the problems you don't have? there are a lot more of those! some people in this world go their entire lives without drinking a glass of clean water. NOT ONCE. i know some people who actually have the audacity to complain about the taste of the tap water in my town. my town has some of the tastiest drinking water in this world! what is there to complain about? of course, some people don't even drink water because they don't like it. i will never understand these people. but to each his own. my point is, there's nothing to complain about. we are not experiencing war first hand. we are not in the midst of a famine. we are not quarantined or wearing face masks due to airborn epidemic diseases like bird flu or anything. and we wash our asses with cleaner water than some people ever get to drink! there is a lot to be thankful for, but it takes effort. you have to be diligent in the observation of your thoughts and words. but this is such an easy way to change the world. change your perspective first. notice the ways in which your life is actually pretty awesome, rather than focusing all of your energy on what is "wrong" or "falling apart" in your life. if something is supposed to fall apart, it's going to whether you like it or not. you might as well be thankful for it, because complaining about something inevitable never stopped it from happening. yes, be thankful for the shit that goes down in your life. once you can do that, you will be well on your way to mastery my friends. because when you can be thankful even for the bad things, WHILE they are happening, the next step is being thankful for no reason at all. and that only brings pure happiness, regardless of the outer circumstances.

that's my lesson for the day. i hope you all can find some insight there :) i love becoming aware of the places where i need to grow. well, it's breakfast time! i finally woke up at the perfect time today! 10 am, yay! i've been waking up anywhere between 2 and 4 pm for the past several weeks, and missing out on all the wonderful sunlight! not today folks. today i'm using all the sunlight for my own benefit, and none of you can stop me, muahahahahahahahaha!

ok, peace out kids.

LOVE!