a video i made

the intuitive Voice is so very quiet in its wisdom. but the more i listen, the stronger it becomes. it is rhythmic and soothing, always telling me exactly what i am needing to hear.

Love and longing are not synonymous

Longing is...

reaching

grasping

aching

pulling

needing

desperate

taking

twisting

groping

LOVE is...

full

expanding

unfolding

becoming

easy

true

overflowing

growing

glowing

oh our dear, dear child! why do you so often go back to doubting yourself? you feel a good thing and you know it can exist anywhere at any time, in any moment that you choose! and then the next day you forget to choose it again? why is it this way? why are you choosing to forget so easily? when you doubt yourself, you are doubting god, and when you doubt god you are doubting everything, and you know the doubting is what is causing you to feel so bad, so why do you choose it? you don't like feeling bad when you're feeling bad, so why do you keep choosing to feel bad? just choose to feel god. choose to feel good. it's not about thinking it, it's about feeling it. don't doubt your feelings, there is nothing to doubt! there is nothing at all to doubt! in other words, DOUBT NOTHING, because NOTHING doesn't EXIST, EVERYTHING EXISTS.

remember in every moment. just remember. it's so much easier than you are choosing to make it. it's as easy as a decisive thought, and then a decisive action, and a continuation of the sequence of those things. just keep going, it gets easier and easier the more you practice it, but the less you practice it, the more you just postpone your own glory. it's okay though, because the more you postpone it, the more glorious it becomes in the waiting for you. but don't let that be your excuse not to go, allow it to be your excuse to soothe yourself into a place of less guilt, more trust. less fear, more trust. less doubt, more trust. less questioning, more trust.

just take a step. one step. god will help you take the rest.

letter to a future self

dear Me,

it seems easier to forget. it seems easier to be lazy and block yourself from your truest Creativity. but it's not easier. it's much much much harder. it's so much harder to not listen to the Call. why make it hard on yourself? just feel good! there really is nothing worth feeling less than good about. it's not a big deal. god is very large, you can trust her! you can trust that s.he is always there, doing exactly what s.he is doing.

see, what you keep doing is forgetting your Place. you are the smaller creator. the Creation is already always happening, and it will happen in the Best way possible, whether you're there or not. you are not Creator from where you're positioned. the larger You is the Creator, and the you that is projected into the physical apparatus is the experiencer, the aligner. just as important a job! no less significant! but you need not fear your own power, because it is not so great as to overthrow the Power of the Creator. just feel good and when you are needed, we will let you know. and you will KNOW. just as you Knew when you Knew that you Knew. a little bluejay flew into your experience and you Knew him before you saw his face. you heard his Call, and that is what it will feel like. reach for that Feeling. yes, that is what the Truth feels like. all else is falsehood, which is just another word for distortion. it's just a warping of the mirage, sort of like the heat coming off of the pavement. it expands the air so that the light bends as it travels through it. such is the way of the Truth and the way you see it. if you have a lens in front of you, the lens of forgetfulness is a different density from the pure remembrance lens, and so the light of Truth is distorted as it passes through. clean your lenses!

you are doing very well. continue to express. even in the times when you feel blank. express the blank. because the blank is also god.

love!

some poems i wrote

Thanks to the Source Of All That Is Good

Sometimes it is frustrating

To be alive
Wondering why I came here
Unsure of what to do next
Knowing that there must be a Good reason
But unsure of what that might be
Feeling constantly suspended
Between utter oblivion
And Supreme Adoration of The All Of It.
In times like this
All I can do
Is hang in there
Suspended
Until I sync up
With the Great iPod In The Sky
And download new Files
Of Ultimate Understanding
And Pure Unadulterated LoveJoyBeauty
In the meantime
I will just pet my doG
And know that All Is Well

Divinely Clever

How clever You are
All the components which have brought me to this place
Right here
This perfect place
Right Now
This Perfect Time
How hilariously clever of You
All the people and things which have
Directly and indirectly
Brought me exactly what I asked for
All the seemingly mundane circumstances
Which have been so divinely orchestrated
As to allow me to be here
Now.
Thank you for being so clever

wHERE?

Here I am
Now
Where?
Here?
Where is Here?
Now.
Where will I be?
Does that matter?
Tomorrow will become Now
But don't worry about that Now.
You can worry later.
But you cannot exist later.
Later is always just a little out of reach
Is it Now yet?

i have come to such strong self-understanding this week! i was out of the vortex for a long time and it was very uncomfortable. i had a brief relationship with a beautiful boy, and in the very beginning it was lovely. but all of my previous relationships have come to me from outside the vortex, and after only a couple of days i had slipped into the old habits of disempowerment. it's amazing how quickly i can forget everything i've come to understand in the face of someone who is very convincingly telling me that my assumptions about the world are incorrect. especially if that very convincing person is an amazing lover.

lol.

i want to feel powerful and glorious and beautiful and bubbly and joyful. these are my natural states of being. i love feeling this way! and i want to stay this way more than i want to have a relationship. i don't need a boy to tell me i am beautiful in order for me to be beautiful. i don't need a boy to skip with me and bring me flowers and stroke my face and kiss my cheek. i don't need a boy to fill me with his beingness and make love to me until the wee hours of the morning. i don't need gifts and sweet nothings whispered into my ear. i don't need that thrill in my heart when a boy pulls me in close with his strong hands and kisses my lips and tells me he adores me. i don't need a boy to tell me he adores me. i don't need any of these things, because i feel very good without them. but i do know that these are things that i will have in my experience and i will enjoy them so very much when they manifest in reality. i'm excited for it!

i love life and all that it brings to me. i love love love love love love love love love it!