i have come to such strong self-understanding this week! i was out of the vortex for a long time and it was very uncomfortable. i had a brief relationship with a beautiful boy, and in the very beginning it was lovely. but all of my previous relationships have come to me from outside the vortex, and after only a couple of days i had slipped into the old habits of disempowerment. it's amazing how quickly i can forget everything i've come to understand in the face of someone who is very convincingly telling me that my assumptions about the world are incorrect. especially if that very convincing person is an amazing lover.

lol.

i want to feel powerful and glorious and beautiful and bubbly and joyful. these are my natural states of being. i love feeling this way! and i want to stay this way more than i want to have a relationship. i don't need a boy to tell me i am beautiful in order for me to be beautiful. i don't need a boy to skip with me and bring me flowers and stroke my face and kiss my cheek. i don't need a boy to fill me with his beingness and make love to me until the wee hours of the morning. i don't need gifts and sweet nothings whispered into my ear. i don't need that thrill in my heart when a boy pulls me in close with his strong hands and kisses my lips and tells me he adores me. i don't need a boy to tell me he adores me. i don't need any of these things, because i feel very good without them. but i do know that these are things that i will have in my experience and i will enjoy them so very much when they manifest in reality. i'm excited for it!

i love life and all that it brings to me. i love love love love love love love love love it!