you are more important than anyone in your universe

the best way to find your soul mate is to FIND YOUR SOUL.

stop looking for anything or anyone OUTSIDE of YOURSELF. your one true love should first be loving your SELF. this goes against everything you've ever learned previous, but stop putting others before yourself. if you can't be happy and loving in your own right, there is no way you can give anyone else the love and happiness they deserve.

if everything in your reality is created by you (and it is, as quantum physics and other sciences are proving every day now), then if you are unhappy or unfulfilled or unsatisfied, so too will be the people around you. that's not to say that you must make yourself feel good at the expense of others. however, when you are happy, you can give happiness to others. when you love yourself as you are right now, then everyone else will sense it and will love you back. this makes it much easier to love everyone else in return! i know this from experience! it's impossible to receive the gift of love if you cannot give it to yourself. you can say this about any feeling: freedom, peace, happiness... even the negative ones; sadness, hatred, fear, etc. the golden rule is not something you can either follow or not. it's more like the Golden Law, which applies much like the Law of Gravity. it is constant and consistent. it is IMPOSSIBLE to treat anyone like anything OTHER than yourself. therefore, put yourself first, treat yourself with love and respect, and it will make it much easier to give others the love and respect you hope for them to feel.


like bob marley says "when you worry your face will frown, and that will bring everybody down! don't worry, be happy!

what a relief!

it's relieving to be honest with people and not allow resentment to build up. it's so important to be able to be completely, 100% honest with the ones you love. if words must constantly be minced, it creates a burden on the one mincing. because the words that are being expressed are not the ones that are floating around in the mind, constantly nagging you and telling you things you don't want to hear. it also creates stress for the person receiving minced information. on a gut level, we know when there is something that is not being said, which creates questions that we don't dare to ask. when negative thoughts and feelings are expressed in words openly and honestly between people (the goal being to resolve those feelings and turn negative to positive, not put the other person down), opportunity for growth is presented. but when those thoughts and feelings are allowed to fester within the mind, they become more and more intense, further poisoning the body and spirit. this can be very overwhelming if allowed to perpetuate, and we all know what stress does to the body.

we must all consciously practice releasing toxicity, in every area of life. let's say, for example, that someone became sick (like i did several days ago). the initial discomfort of nausea is something that this person has little trouble enduring for a while. maybe it will pass, they say. however, the discomfort does not go away, and the nausea becomes worse and worse. when this person finally has to vomit, the last thing going through his or her mind is "oh no, all of that nutrition is being lost! what if i never get it back?" it's silly, isn't it? why would anyone ever think something like that about vomit? if it needs to get out, get it out!

but for some reason, that's not how we feel about other things that are toxic to us: relationships, possessions, thoughts, emotions, etc. isn't this the excuse so many people give when they are in a toxic relationship? "they're all i have. if i leave him/her, i'll have no one left. i'll be all alone." so the relationship perpetuates, becomes more and more unhealthy, not only to the people in it, but to the people observing it.

when we can freely release those aspects of ourself and of our lives that no longer serve us, without allowing them to fester and become unhealthy, that is when we can truly be free and ALIVE!

imagine the digestive system. as i wrote in a previous post, the digestive system is a marvel of the human body. delicious, fresh food (let's say an avocado, my favorite!) is put into the mouth, and mashed up by the teeth and tongue. not only is it mashed up, but enzymes are added to it in the saliva to break it down before it even reaches the stomach. and i'm not even going to talk about the phenomenon of taste! after being chewed up, the esophagus automatically grabs it and pulls it down to the stomach, where acid breaks the food down into amino acids and molecules that nourish the body and allow for cell growth and reproduction. in the intestines, those nutrients are absorbed, along with any water. all that can be used is used, and the rest is released.

compare this system to your life. things like possessions, papers, etc, are amassed. at first all is hunky-dory, and these things seem wonderful. but then we start to attach ourselves to these things, until one day we are in our garage (or bedroom, or attic, or basement, or locker, or anywhere where we put our STUFF) and we can't believe how much crap we have! but we rationalize, as we're cleaning, that "oh, well i could use that," or "this might come in handy one day when i get time to do this project." you know you've said that to yourself, because i know i have. but that day never comes when you have enough time or enough ROOM to do whatever project you were thinking you might one day do. it's constipation! it's you trying to hold on to things that are no longer nourishing your life.

when we eat food, it passes through our system, the nutrients are taken and used, and the waste is released back to the earth. if we were to re-consume this waste, it would poison us. but that is what the bottom feeders are for: the earthworms and bacteria and other bugs that DO find nutrition in that which we consider poison. they are MADE to consume that which we cannot. and in their consumption of it, they create soil which nourishes the plants, which nourish us. that which we have released has now returned to us in a purified and consumable form.

likewise, with any relationship, possession, thought, or feeling; when we release that which no longer nourishes our spirit and body, we can rest assured that the universe will purify it for us, make it new again, and bring us a better and healthier form of whatever was released.


so, in summary: don't mince words, just tenderize them. and stop eating your own shit.

LOVE!

i found this video today. he elaborates on what i wrote about in my "Ego and God" post a few days ago. "ego is a really clever salesman"

the candle without its flame

a candle without a flame is just that.

no light can emit 

unless the wick is lit

likewise, a flame without a candle

doesn't last very long

but when brought together

the combination can bring light 

to the darkest of rooms

without you

i'm just another piece of string

covered in wax

cold and dark on its own

and where would you go

to alight your heat

and passion burning

bright as lightning

but so quick

as to liken you to a spark

fleeting 

without a ground to stand on

without the steady fuel 

of an infinite string

glistening with wax

sickness

last night i got food poisoning.  i was up all night throwing up.  it got to the point where i was so miserably thirsty, but whenever i drank any water, i just threw it up again, making me feel thirstier.  now, i'm just achy everywhere.  i've been "sleeping" all day, but it's one of those sleeps where  you feel like you're more awake than asleep because your dreams are obnoxiously loud.  

being sick is not always a bad thing.  even though i felt miserable, i still had to remind myself to be thankful that my body is so healthy and intelligent that it can discern what is good for it and what is poisonous.  my body is so smart that it refuses to try and digest toxicity, which would thereby fill every cell in my body with toxicity.  

vomiting and diarrhea are probably the body's most interesting abilities.  as soon as the gut detects poison, all efforts are directed at evacuating the digestive system.  undigested food in the intestines speeds along, faster than usual, to be expelled as quickly as possible (albeit unpleasantly).  the body wastes no time in separating water from the waste.  to do that would be to risk further poisoning the body.  the stomach decides that nothing may enter until everything that may be toxic is evacuated, including water.  

our gut is one intelligent part of the puzzle.  science experiments have shown that the gut has its own nervous system that makes decisions independent of the brain.  in an experiment i saw on the Science Channel, scientists took a piece of rat intestine, suspended it in a life-preserving liquid, and put a plastic pellet up to one end.  the intestine sucked up the pellet and moved it along, "digesting" it until it popped out the other end.  this piece of intestine was not attached to any living animal, and therefore was not controlled by the brain.  what does this say about the body? that there is more going on than we fully understand.

on the cellular level, each cell carries the same properties as the body, only on a small scale.  respiratory, digestive, excretory, and reproductive systems are found in each cell.  Bruce Lipton, a cellular biologist, applies fractal theory to the human body.  fractal theory, if you are unfamiliar with the term, is described in the phrase "as above, so below."  in other words, that which is on the large scale is mimicked by the small scale.  the universe is fractal in nature.  imagine, for example, the planet earth.  zoom out and you see the solar system:  a star (an energy body) with planets (smaller energy bodies) orbiting it.  look out from the solar system and you see more stars, many of which also have solar systems.  now zoom out and you have the milky way galaxy:  a center of energy with energy orbiting it.  look out from there, and you see what appear to be more stars, but which are really more galaxies.  now zoom out from that and you have the universe.  can you zoom out further?  

now let's go back to the earth.  zoom in this time, and you have a human.  actually, billions of humans.  zoom into one human, and we see the organs and systems that make up the physical human body.  zoom into any one cell that makes up one of those organs, and you see that each cell ALSO has organs and systems, only on a very miniscule scale.  now zoom in and you see the atoms that make up each cell.  billions of them.  and what does an atom look like?

a center of energy, with smaller bits of energy orbiting it.  

can you zoom in further?

if the universe is fractal (ie REPETITIVE) in nature, and the human cell is simply a microcosm of the human body, then what is the human body a microcosm of?  we are each individual cell bodies in the larger cell body of the earth.  the earth is one very large organism that lives and breathes just like every little organism found on its surface.

if this is so, then it can be said that disease within the human body is likened to war, famine, and pollution in the larger scale of humanity.  

when my body detects something toxic within it, all efforts are directed at purging, evacuating the poison so as to continue the survival of the organism.  looking at the earth as an organism, it is no wonder that so many more storms, earthquakes, tsunamis, and other natural "disasters" have been occurring lately.  we have been poisoning our planet and she is throwing up all over the place, trying to save herself from the toxicity.  we must work quickly to come together and heal ourselves and the planet.  it's easy to do.

we just all have to agree to do it.

when every single little cell does its part, the whole organism is allowed to flourish.  each cell only carries enough food and oxygen to survive for 2 seconds at a time.  this is because all of the cells are working in harmony, sharing with and healing each other.  there is no separation.  a cell that is separate is an amoeba, and those don't live very long.  when cells in the human body decide to stop cooperating with the rest of the body, the phenomena known as "cancer" occurs.  cancer cells do not listen to the rest of the cells around it, and grow and reproduce out of control, eventually killing the organism.  sound familiar?  

not one dictator or CEO or president is enough to stop billions of people stepping up to the plate.  not one negative voice is strong enough to drown out billions of positive people crying in unison for change.  we cannot wait for one talking head to call us to action.  we must take matters into our own hands, because now it's down to the wire.  

stop falling victim to circumstance.  take the reins of your life and "be the change you wish to see in the world."  

love! 

Ego and God

Lucky D's Hostel

San Diego, CA

so i've made it to california.  i've only been here for a little over a week, but it feels like it's been forever.  i miss my boy.  it's strange to not have any responsibilities.  it makes it easy to veg out and not leave my room.  

being here without the help of close friends and my boyfriend is a challenge.  but it's a challenge i'm choosing, and every time i feel like i can't do it i have to remind myself that i have CHOSEN this path, and that i want to see where it leads me.  i can do it.  the universe is helping me every step of the way.  every time i run completely out of money, some more shows up, from one source or another.  

i Know that i am always in the exact right place at the right time.  even if i'm just sitting in the communal kitchen watching Frasier and looking at half a peanut butter and cocopuffs sandwich, like i am right now.  what will i make of my day today?  i heard about a Food Not Bombs several blocks from here, which i might go to and help out at.  

i've met a lot of awesome people since i've been here.  even people on the street.  there was a homeless guy i talked to the other day who told me this story:

once upon a time, there was a WIIIIIIIIDE mouthed frog, and one day he hopped up to a bird and said, "i'm a WIIIIIIIIIDE mouthed frog, and i feed my babies bugs, what do you feed your babies?" and the bird replied "why, i feed my babies worms."  "oh," said the frog, "i didn't know that,"  and he hopped along to a deer in the forest.  he said, "i'm a WIIIIIIIIIIIDE mouthed frog, and i feed my babies bugs, what do you feed your babies?"  the deer replied "why, i feed my babies leaves from the trees."  "oh, i didn't know that," said the frog, and he hopped along to an alligator in the river.  he said "i'm a WIIIIIIIIIDE mouthed frog, and i feed my babies bugs, what do you feed your babies?"  

"wide mouthed frogs!"

(puckering his lips) "oh, i didn't know that!"

i need to make sure i get outside today.  i always feel better when i'm walking around, finding things to do. 

BAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA i love Frasier.

yesterday i was hanging out in the common area at the hostel i'm at, and i was feeling frustrated at these two frat-type guys who work here and like to commandeer the common room to play wii frisbee every night, even if other people are in the middle of watching TV.  i don't watch very much TV, but it's still rather rude to barge in and demand that we turn off our program and let them play the same game they play every night until 6am.  so in my frustration, i turned to the book "Conversations With God," and opened it up to a random page and looked at it, and right in the middle, highlighted by the previous owner, was the sentence "Stop making judgements against yourself." 

i had to think about that for a second.  how was i making judgements against myself by feeling aggravated about a couple of jock-straps?  then i remembered that WE ARE ALL ONE, and to judge another or complain about another is to judge or complain about an aspect of oneself.  all the universe is an expression and manifestation of what is inside oneself.  therefore, every interaction is an interaction with the Self.  it was a good reminder to be love in EVERY interaction, including the ones that make me uncomfortable.  i don't have to spend time around people who do not appreciate or love me for who i am, but if i choose to be around those kinds of people, i need to focus and stay positive.  if i don't feel like i can handle that, then it is my responsibility to leave the situation.  the impact of my actions is immense.  i do not want anyone to feel harmed in any way by me, no matter how slightly.  therefore, i will choose Higher and BE LOVE, even (rather, ESPECIALLY) in the face of hatred.  

to anyone who may be reading this:  i promise you, you are loved.  the universe wants you to be happy and free.  judge not yourself by judging others.  feel no fear, you are safe and protected in everything you do.  when you trust that everything is working in your favor (even the things that may seem "bad" at the time), things tend to get much better, faster!  i love you all, infinitely and unconditionally.  i know you don't know me, but that doesn't matter, because you are reading this for a reason.  it doesn't matter if you don't connect with these words right now.  you will remember them when the time is right, and they will mean something when you need them to.  

it doesn't matter if you "believe" in "god" or not.  it took me a long time to be able to use the word "god" without the twinge of ego that came with it.  but one day at a phish show, i was tripping on acid and i started to hear some kind of demonic undertones to the music, and i asked my friends if they heard it.  they said they didn't know what i was talking about.  then i listened again and said to myself, hmmm, i must be hallucinating that.... and as soon as i thought that, it went away.  i looked for it again and it was there, and then i told myself it wasn't, and it was gone again.  then i started wondering if i was schizophrenic.  i started wondering how much of what i was seeing was of my mind's creation.  and then a voice in my head said "you're creating all of it."  and i thought to myself "does that mean i'm god?" and the voice in my head said "yes, i am god.  i've been here the whole time, remember?" and then i realized i had remembered that i was god a couple weeks before while i was tripping on shrooms.  i wondered to myself "but what keeps making me forget this?" and god said "ego.  ego is what always makes you forget."  and i asked "but what does ego look like?" and god said "ego is everything that says you aren't god.  every person that says 'you can't do that.' every image and thought and word that says 'i'm better/worse than this person' "  and i kept thinking about that for the rest of the phish tour.  i realized a lot about god during that weekend.  and ego has made me forget since then!  it's a constant conscious battle to separate my egoic mind from my god-state that is pure observant bliss.  god is the observer.  the watcher.  god watches and loves its creation.  ego tries to control the creation, curtail the creation.  god knows though, that creation will always continue, and that there is no need for control.  ego is the mirror of god.  the exact opposite.  ego tells the truth in the exact opposite way that god tells the truth.  ego says "you're not god.  you can't be god, what makes you think you're so much better than me?"  but ego gets lost in the language and forgets its place.  YOU IS EGO, I IS GOD.  therefore, when ego says "you aren't god" it is telling the truth, but it's confusing.  to this, god can reply "yes ego, you're right.  YOU ISN'T GOD, YOU IS EGO.  I IS GOD."  

ego is every single thought, feeling, emotion, word, image, or anything else that tells you "you are not god."  once you recognize what ego looks like, it is easy to say "thank you ego, for being my mirror and showing me Who I Am by showing me who i am NOT.  i am NOT ego, and i choose to act as god.  god is love.  i am love.  UNCONDITIONAL love.  ego puts conditions on love, because ego doesn't know what real love feels like.  ego only knows what fear feels like.  a condition on love is fear that love will be lost, and protecting oneself from being hurt by "lost love."

know that no love can be lost, because love is universal and infinite.  love yourself purely and completely, and others will notice and follow suit!  when i decided to love myself and know myself as beautiful, strangers on the street began telling me how beautiful i am!  this never happened before, because i didn't think i was beautiful.  i didn't think i was worthy of love from anyone else, even though i desired so much to be loved by others.  but what i didn't realize was that "what you seek you already are."  do not seek love, money, wealth, beauty.  BE IT.  CHOOSE IT AND BE IT.  

LOVE!