is it sex that messes shit up, or my expectation?

so the other day i had sex with a friend of mine.

then yesterday i felt a shift in the energy between us. perhaps it's my imagination. probably it is, since everything is anyway.

but why is it that having sex with someone opens such vulnerable places? so tender and unconditioned to the world outside. i've gotta ease into things maybe. all i can do is keep trying, because i refuse to allow my fears about sex stand in the way of me eventually enjoying the hell out of it.

why do i even have fears about sex? probably my lack of proper education about it. my parents didn't inform me of what sex was. they assumed i already knew. well, i knew i had a drive to experience a very mysterious pleasure, but i had no idea what it was. and of course i told nobody, for fear of being laughed at. "hey mom... dad... why do i have this need to put this pillow between my legs? and why do i feel like i can't get it close enough to me? and what is that strangely pleasing tingly feeling that happens when i move just right? it's only for a few seconds, but i feel like i NEED it. can you explain this to me?" (haha, yeah right). then, at age FOURTEEN (!!!!) i found out the mechanics of sex in my 8th grade health class. our teacher read us a ridiculous children's book with silly, prude illustrations. absolutely ridiculous.

then, throughout my health education, i was pumped with information about the things to be afraid of in terms of sex. that there are diseases, and very prevalent ones at that! that if you don't use more than one form of birth control, you have a chance of getting pregnant. that its bad to be pregnant. all sorts of misinformation that is fear-based and not conducive to a healthy sexual attitude.

and now my energy is all confused. i really want to have sex! but will i feel hurt if i have sex with someone i'm not in love with? that's another thing i was told to believe. that i have to love the person i'm having sex with. that it's a "big step" in a relationship. what if i just want to have sex? well then i'm just a slut, right?

and why are there no people under the age of 30 who are good at sex at all? (i take that back, i've had one or two exceptional 20-year-old encounters). why does everyone just do the boring old missionary, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, FINISH! ok, i'm done, better get this condom off and go to sleep. oh you're not finished? well, sorry, but i'm spent and i can't go again, i'm too tired. gotta get to work in the morning. better get you home!

grrrrrrrrrrr. i refuse to believe that i'm the only person who is thinking these things. i refuse to acknowledge my potential island-status in this topic of discussion. sex needs to be more fun. sex needs to be a lot less boring and a lot more pleasurable. dudes, stop being pussies. use your hands more. breasts enjoy being squeezed. so do thighs. also, kiss the rest of my body more often. surprise me. move me around. you're strong, you can pick me up and throw me on the bed and rip my clothes off. i don't mind being nibbled. step it up folks!

who's with me?

also, i suppose i should share a lesson on the clitoris.

how to make a girl feel supreme pleasure:

- spend some time kissing. while kissing, knee-between-legs is a great way to get started.
- before clothes come off, breasts are to be fondled. hands running down the torso and between thighs is a definite plus.
- after several minutes of this foreplay, the girl should be wet enough
- pants off!
- undies still on (unless she goes commando), rubbing of the outer genitalia is nice. use your entire hand, with firm, but not too firm, pressure.
- watch her face to gauge how she's liking it. talking makes it a little awkward, so just kiss her instead. make eye contact!
- when you can feel heat and moisture through undies, you know she's ready for full-fledged-finger-action!
- delicately pull off undies and toss aside.
- use the girl's natural lubricating system to make the job easier, and much more enjoyable (for her).
- using the tips of 2-3 fingers, and a gentle left-to-right motion, play the clitoris like a guitar!
- be sure to go back often for more natural lube.
- start out slow and gentle, with rather light pressure. gradually build in speed and pressure.
- if you are making a project out of it, you can use both hands, one for inside and one for outside.
- don't get too fast too quickly. let it build naturally, and drag it out by surprising her with a teasing pause. when you think she's just about to come, stop for a couple of seconds. then keep going, a tiny bit slower and softer than you were going before. then build up again. if you can, i recommend you do this several times. the resulting orgasm will be immense and intense.
- you can tell when a girl is orgasming, because she won't care what her face looks like. the body goes on auto-pilot and she's just riding along.


using the mouth

- if you haven't shaved in a couple of days, forget it. don't even bother with this technique, because it doesn't feel good at all.
- if you are clean-shaven, proceed to the following steps.
- this is not just about the mouth. giving head is an art form, and should not be done carelessly. use the hands in conjunction with the lips and tongue.
- massage the inside of her thighs with your hands. tickle them too. it feels good.
- use your stiff, pointier tongue to penetrate. use a flat, soft tongue to lick lengthwise. i recommend licking from perineum to clitoris.
- roll the clitoral hood between your lips.
- suck the clitoris into your mouth and play with it using your tongue.
- be creative. use combinations of these tricks to make her go crazy. use variations of speed, pressure, etc.
- supplement tongue/lip action with fingers and thumbs.
- DO NOT stick your bearded/scratchy face into her vagina. this leads to irritation of the urinal opening. urinary tract infections are way not cool.
- DO NOT be rough!
- DO NOT use teeth on the clitoris! (unless she's into that, in which case, wait till she specifies).


so. this has gone from me wondering what's wrong with me, to me realizing that there's nothing wrong with me, people just don't know how to have sex anymore. and then it turned into girl-pleasure 101. i hope you enjoyed. i sure did :)

love!