complaining vs. appreciation

i am currently doing business in boston. i'm buying textbooks back from college students through a buy-back company. the first couple days were stressful, and i found myself feeling very complainy, which is not normal for me anymore. usually i catch myself pretty quick, but i found myself on a downward-spiral, and ended up venting to my friend about all the things i found wrong with this operation.

sometimes you need to get it out of you so you can look at it and decide if it's what you really want, you know?

so this morning, i woke up, and in that hazy half-dream-consciousness in the snoozes between alarm rings, i decided that today was going to be my day of appreciation. no more complaining.

and it was amazing!

first of all, i truly appreciate myself for recognizing this, and making an empowered choice to change my focus. and then actually doing it. and succeeding at it!

i spent hours waiting for folks to come by to sell me their textbooks, and i just watched people go by and listed things i appreciated about them just based on the few moments i saw them as they walked past me. at one point, when i was feeling really good from appreciating so much, a whole gaggle of high school track-running dudes ran by me while they were all laughing! it was perfect! i even made friends with our "competition," who happens to be set up right next to us. the girl running that show turned out to be really nice and we decided to join efforts and look out for each other. i like that a lot.

it was really like Abraham-Hicks says: when you know what you don't want, you automatically know what you do want. focus all of your attention on that, and you will begin to come back into alignment with Who You Are. in my case, it was as simple as knowing that i didn't want to complain anymore, because it really left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak. so i turned all of my attention onto appreciating, and i felt amazing the whole day. the more i get used to these high vibrations, the faster i snap back into them if i start to dip down into lower vibrations and old habits. i'm really becoming aware. and i'm becoming aware more and more each day that i have so far to go... i have eternity to evolve, and i'm never going to get it done. it's ok to text the limits and explore and "forget" for a day or two, because it serves as a great affirmation of what i know to be True. during times when i start to doubt, i'll find myself in scenarios like i did yesterday, and i'll prove to myself that there is no doubt... i am creating my reality, and what i focus on generates what i attract, and it gets bigger and bigger the more energy i add to it. there is no doubt about that at all, i can see very clearly that this is what happened yesterday. i'm glad i did that and explored out on the rough and ragged edge, because now i feel my focus is more strongly on what is going right. and i am keeping a sharper eye out on my habits now than ever before, firmly planting my feet in the direction of appreciation instead of complaint.

i'm looking forward to tomorrow and the new appreciation adventure i will take!

love!

vibration

i'm not entirely sure what i came here to write, but here goes...

i'm realizing more and more that i am purely vibrational in nature. it's as if the physical reality i perceive is this blanket that lays over the vibrational reality that is invisible. and where there is a crease in the fabric, i know there is a vibration that needs smoothing. it's as though i just gained a new pair of eyes, but they don't see light. and i've gained a new pair of hands, but they don't mould clay. it's as though my very being stretches out beyond my skin and muscle and bone and out into eternity.

these are things i've heard before from others, and yes it's all very poetic. but i'm actually feeling it now. how interesting it is to be alive and focused in a physical body, yet very aware of the true Essence of Who I Am.

love.

Life and Death: A Love Story

usually i do my best to ignore most of the goings-on in the old world. i am focusing as much of my mental energy as i can on creating my new world. but in lieu of the recent death of Osama Bin Ladin, and how stirred-up everyone is over it, i think this is an appropriate time to put my thoughts into written form. it's really annoying to have my opinion floating around in my head without being expressed somewhere!

when i first found out about Bin Ladin's death, i was completely nonplussed. it's been such a long time since i even thought of that "reality" that it was pretty much old news to me.

then, all the opinions started flying on facebook. it was rather difficult to ignore an old reality that seemed to be seeping into mine. half of my friends spouted political hyperbabble, theorizing what this would mean to the rest of the world. the other half posted a viral MLK quote, which, as it turns out, is completely erroneous. but none of these opinions really resonated with me, and i didn't know why.

until i remembered.

there is no such thing as death.

energy is flowing, moving, shifting, transforming. but even physics will tell you that there is no beginning or end to an energy. what appears to be an end is really just a shift into a different form. the physical body that was once referred to as Osama Bin Ladin may not be animated of its own accord anymore, but the Spirit that experienced life through that body does exist, and has expanded as a result of the contrast lived. not only this, but the thought-form that Bin Ladin accumulated around himself still exists. fear, hatred, anger, and all of those vibrations still exist. and obviously you can't kill fear, hatred, and anger with guns or weapons or anything physical. really, trying to do so will only feed those vibrations and make them stronger, more prevalent.

Bin Ladin was like the canary in the coal mine. he embodied such an extreme form of low vibration that it brought forth that vibration that was hidden within us all. we even justified acting from that vibrational level by saying "he started it!"

the best thing any of us can do is feel the emotional response to the idea of Bin Ladin. stop telling the story of why he was wrong and we are right. stop telling the story of who he hurt and what went wrong, and blah blah blah. stop telling those stories and FEEL the emotion. feel it. don't label it as wrong. don't push it away. don't run from it. don't even talk about it. feel it and surrender to it. allow it to exist. because if we keep pushing against it, trying to eradicate all anger, fear, sadness, pain, and hatred, it's just going to grow angrier and sadder, more painful and more fearful.

those emotions are like children who have been deprived of love. they are literally throwing temper tantrums, BEGGING for love, and we are trying to shut them up by spanking them and sending them to their room with no dinner. how is this loving? how is this resolving anything? how does this make us righteous?

let us embrace all of Everything. God/Goddess/the Universe/The Field/Universal Intelligence/The Divine/Consciousness exists everywhere, in everything. that includes Osama Bin Ladin. that includes George W. Bush. that includes "our" side and "their" side. that includes the lion and the lamb. it is all one thing experiencing itself. we can judge "right" and "wrong" all we like, but it only separates us further and holds us back from fully recognizing our True Selves.

so that's my two cents. i'm letting go of it now.

love.